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"Skunk People web question and reply"
Dear Jolene,
Just once, I’d like to be greeted with a smile, or a compliment, a pleasantry of any kind…but what do I get? Complain, whine, moan and gritch!! One of my co-workers meets me in the morning (or in the afternoon or at night) with a running string of complaints. Computer problems, customer complaints, not enough money in the budget, family troubles, too much to do. And the next thing I know, it’s my fault or I’m supposed to fix it. How do I work with someone who dumps her load on me?
Sick of Complaints
Dear Sick of Complaints,
You’re working with one of the challenging people in life because complainers don’t
feel they are whining. They think they are warning you about a thing gone wrong that
someone else must fix. Their attitude quite often is, “I brought this to your attention,
told you how it should be. I’ve done all I can. Now it’s up to you!” On top of that, if you
take out the words “always and never” from their list, there is usually a seed of truth
in the complainer’s statements.
So, how do you get beyond the tone and the words to action and solutions?
- Listen attentively to a complainer.
Now, this will be very hard to do because you’d rather say, “Shut up and do something about it.” Stop yourself and let them know you’re carefully listening. If you don’t they’ll just keep adding to the list until they have your attention.
- Be prepared to interrupt or change body position.
Complainers usually sit because they know they’re going to be there a while. So, you should also sit as you listen, then stand as you acknowledge their responsibility. Body movement demonstrates an end to the list and your desire to have action and solutions.
- Acknowledge what they said, but do not take responsibility for their list.
You might say, “Wow, your load is quite heavy today.” Or, pick one complaint and focus on that. For example, “I can tell you’re frustrated with the budget amounts for supplies. When are you planning to talk to your supervisor about this?”
- If all else fails, here’s my favorite way to deal with a constant complainer.
Carry a legal size pad of paper with you. The next time your continuous complainer starts in, immediately sit down near them and start writing down the list of all their complaints. (At first the complainer may not notice because they are focused on their complaining and not you.) Believe me, sooner or later they will say, “What the heck are you doing?” Show them the list and say, “I’m been listening carefully. It seems to me you have a lot of concerns and problems. Which one would you like to start working on. I’d be glad to help. Or did you just need to dump?” We must realize that dumping is not complaining. It is an event with the purpose of venting feelings and preventing explosions. (Like a pressure cooker valve.) We all need a release from time to time.
Jolene
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Jolene Brown, CSP
1636 Eureka Ave.
West Branch, IA 52358
319-643-2429
319-643-5541 fax